My Life....

LIFE. What is it ? Is there any meaning to it ? Any definition ? Is there any purpose of it ? What should it be like ? How should one live it ? Questions like these and many more have been haunting me for some time now. In retrospect, it is indeed a very short time since these questions have been rocking my mind but seems like aeons to my existence. Perhaps I'm thinking too much about them that I have forgotten how my life was before and all my past memoirs have become inconsequential. Virtually non-existent.

I'm leading, these days, what the heading says. A random life. Without any purpose, any meaning, any goals to achieve, any expectations, any inhibitions,any thrills (and no frills either), any reprieve whatsover to look forward to and not even an end in sight. This is such a stage of life where time and space have faded into oblivion for me. Just living it, randomly, day by day. Nothing counts. Nothing's happening for me, exciting nor boring. Everything's just the same. No change in sight. Work is same n so is personal life. Same people, same friends, same enemies. Same random life.

I am, what many people would call, a successful person so far. Born to the most loving parents on this planet, I have gone through academics which have made me able enough to work in the saviour-of-our-country IT industry. Working for a reputed MNC and earning a respectable paycheck, life cannot be easier for me, many would say. But I don't like my life. I would rather swap it with any other. Or for that matter I could even swap it with you, the reader, the stranger, without having to worry about how's yours as I'm pretty, infact, damn sure that yours will be better than mine. Such is my life. It doesn't suck, though. Because if it did suck I might have committed suicide by now and would be enjoying my days with Satan in Hell.

Reading through all I've written so far I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid I'm putting across a picture of myself that has PESSIMISTIC written across it. No, I'm not.I would rather call myself an optimist, the biggest optimist ever. Because I believe that my life's gonna change for the better. For once, it can't get any worse. Can only get better. I'm just biding my time. Waiting. Its just the fact that this wait is going on and on and on that I'm growing a bit suspicious about good times ahead.

My friends tell me that I've gone quieter. I've lost my charm and my smile. I've lost my spontaneity and humour. How much I wish I were back to my basic self !! My friends still love me though and so do my folks back home. Perhaps thats keeping me alive. I'm optimistic to the core and optimism is what I'm feeding upon these days.The days go past by like flying birds but I'm sure the day will come, which will not swish away but I'll be able to catch hold of it, I'll regain myself, I'll find myself back and I'll live My Life again, I'll enjoy it. And I'll be alive once more.

You might want to ask though : why a blog ? I just hope to find some friends here, who can help me find myself. Till then

awaarapan, banjaarapan....ek khala hai, seene mein........